Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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