names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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