She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
