Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
