I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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