So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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