Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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