ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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