Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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