Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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