this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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