the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
