so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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