It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
