he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
