It's like a parade of train wrecks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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