He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize