Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Panties = found
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
