i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
