Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
