this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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