So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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