Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
