What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
