three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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