I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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