Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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