Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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