Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
