They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
