I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
