Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
