ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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