So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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