I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
