The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
