I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
