The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
