I cut my penus on the lid.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
