just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
