There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
