All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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