he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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