The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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