just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
