apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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