Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
