I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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