You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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