I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
