I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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