i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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