Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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