So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize