Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
