four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
