Your mouth is God's brothel.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
