Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
