Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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