i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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