I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
