just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
