His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
