my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
