look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
