i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
