and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize