grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize