Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
