just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
