My friends, they love my intelligence
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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