I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we're making bets on your personal life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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