Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
