So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
