i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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